Saturday, July 31, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Not exactly a high energy positive, hopeful message for a campaign, especially that part at the end, "What you don't have you don't need it now," which reminds me a bit of another high profile Democrat.The heart is a bloom, shoots up through stony ground
But there's no room, no space to rent in this town
You're out of luck and the reason that you had to care,
The traffic is stuck and you're not moving anywhere.
You thought you'd found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace.
It's a beautiful day, the skyfalls
And you feel like it's a beautiful day
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
You're on the road but you've got no destination
You're in the mud, in the maze of her imagination
You love this town even if it doesn't ring true
You've been all over and it's been all over you
It's a beautiful day, the skyfalls
And you feel like it's a beautiful day
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Touch me, take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case
See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the bedouin fires at night
See the old fields at first light
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out
It was a beautiful day
A beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Touch me, take me to that other place
Reach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case
What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
You don't need it now, you don't need it now
The more I think about the more it seems Kerry is casting himself a bit as a saviour for the failed and miserable in society. Yeah, that's who I want to run the country, the best man as chosen by the inmates of the asylum.
After three days of calm, protests turned ugly at the Democratic National Convention as demonstrators burned a two-faced effigy depicting President Bush on one side and Sen. John Kerry on the other.Ummm, wouldn't that have to be a three faced effigy?
Listen to the adjectives used in reporting the news.I know that this isn't profound, but it came to me listening to NPR on my way home last night. I simply couldn't stand having to wade through so much opinion & commentary just to find out what happened.
[I made air quotes when I said news.]
Real news reporting shouldn't use adjectives in a way that attempts to control or direct your response to the facts of a story
Not all adjectives are improper, but next time you listen to NPR, watch CNN or read the NYT simply keep your eye on the adjectives. And maybe the adverbs, too.
"Kerry would revisit ambush locations for reenacting combat scenes where he would portray the hero, catching it all on film. Kerry would take movies of himself walking around in combat gear, sometimes dressed as an infantryman walking resolutely through the terrain. He even filmed mock interviews of himself narrating his exploits. A joke circulated among Swiftees was that Kerry left Vietnam early not because he received three Purple Hearts, but because he had recorded enough film of himself to take home for his planned political campaigns."But that's not enough.
Entering controversy, director Moll explains how the bullets in the water were not from the actual event.Do you get it? Kerry was already planning his political career when he went to Vietnam, so he made home movies of himself for future use in illustrative projects showing how he went to war. But the director called in to edit a usable convention project out of this footage didn't feel Kerry's staged movies had enough punch, so he added in some stock/produced footage of bullets hitting water that have nothing to do with even the fake Kerry.
“It’s just illustrative.”
[Director] Moll mixes in the homemade Kerry film with stirring strings and a french horn soundtrack.French horn?
A reminder to John Kerry that Benedict Arnold was a war hero too.
Lemons, Lemonade; Cabbage, Coleslaw; Zoning Commissioners, Pigs.
Man raises stink with pig penScott Teston is fighting his neighbors whole hog.
He put 17 pigs in his Florida Panhandle yard after neighbors objected to a zoning change request. Teston wanted the property rezoned from agriculture to business.
Now, neighbors are raising a stink about the pig pen next door. But county officials say there's nothing they can do about the animals because the suburb of Pace is zoned agricultural.
Teston is being a little pig-headed about his rezoning request. He says if it's rejected again, he'll put 500 hogs on his property.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
A Southwest Airlines flight bound for Tulsa was detoured to Dallas Sunday night to deal with an out of control passenger.
One of the passengers who stepped in to get the out of control flyer under control again is 18-year-old Bryan Golemon of Cushing.
Bryan is a high school wrestler and used his wrestling skills to help the flight crew and other passengers. "The stewardess, she was standing right next to me and I said I'm a wrestler and if you want I can have him down in about ten seconds, she said OK."
They got the restraints on the man and the FBI took him off the plane in Dallas.
Southwest Airlines and the other passengers are thankful for Bryan's willingness to help.
You'll have to go read the rest to see the response, and to see all the other freaks on display.
The Agony of the Feet
The next day, the pantomime Gongsters are gone from Copley Square. In their place are shoes--thousands and thousands of shoes. Multitudes of boots are arranged carefully on the lawn, with a sign explaining, "These 907 pairs of boots represent the U.S. soldiers killed in the Iraq war." Then there's a sloppy pile of shoes with another sign: "These 1,000 pairs of shoes represent a small fraction of the estimated 16,000 Iraqis killed in the war."
There are no million shoes for Saddam Hussein's Iraqi, Iranian and Kuwaiti victims; only his American victims seem to matter, and only those Iraqis killed in connection with a U.S. military intervention. Come to think of it, there also are no 3,000 pairs of shoes for those who died at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon--even though the group sponsoring this display styles itself Sept. 11th Families for Peaceful Tomorrows.
We approach a middle-aged man of ample girth, who seems to be in charge. "How many shoes do you have for Saddam Hussein's victims?" we ask.
He stands silent, facing us. He seems to be staring us down, but we have no way of knowing for sure, as he's wearing sunglasses, even though the day is overcast. Finally, after perhaps 15 seconds, he breaks the silence:
Monday, July 26, 2004
As I warned readers this weekend, I emailed Jim Norton some questions and asked if he'd answer them so I can post an interview on my website.
He agreed and the results are below.
Some comedians are known as comedians' comedians, in the sense that other comedians really appreciate and enjoy their work. In those terms Jim Norton would be a scatophilic pedophile's comedian.
Jim is best know lately for his appearances on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, playing the part of tough. His flappy, meaty self can be seen touring the U.S. playing comedy clubs and detention centers for crowds of all ages. [Hey Jim! Update your calendar!]
If you need to know more about him, check out his bio & resume over on his website.
Also, this being a blog, I should point out that Jim has a blog that isn't only entertaining, it is surprisingly well written, lengthy, and God help me for saying this, maybe even a bit touching in an Addam's family kind of way.
[I'm a little freaked out that he uses the same blogger template as Stuart Buck, my original inspiration to start blogging, though it would be hard to imagine two more different blogs.]
Norton's rougher posts remind me of Hunter S. Thompson, which I'm not sure either of them would take as a compliment.
13 Questions for Jim Norton
1) You sick fuck; Is it true what they say about you?
Some things are true and some are utter bunk. I happen to like tinkle and a few logs, but who doesn't? Nothing straightens you out more than a tapered lesson on your chest and a mouth full of popcorny beverage.
2) No, really.
[Sound of crickets chirping.]
3) Other than Richard Pryor, who inspired you to be a comedian?
John Wayne Gacy
4) Among working comics today, who makes you laugh the most? Feel free to use this to suck up to someone you think can help your career.
Rich Vos. Not his jokes but his hands. They're small and wrinkled and look like turtle toes.
5) All apologies to that motherfucker James Lipton, but what is your favorite curse word?
6) What town is your favorite to work? Least favorite? Is it because of the audience, or the cut-rate whores?
Favorites are NY and Boston. Least favorite is Los Angeles.
7) What's a day in the life of Jim Norton like? Please describe your daily schedule when you are home, giving particular details as to when you might be visible from good sniping locations as well as the address of the nearest book depository.
I wake up late and toy with my wiener. Then I sit on the toilet and deposit something that looks like a nuclear accident while reading a tawdry novel. I jerk off again, go to the club, bomb then eat then find a tranny. The end.
8) The whole "Norton is a pedophile" bit, recurring ad nauseam on Tough Crowd, is pretty shocking. I imagine that some people take it a bit too seriously. How did this theme develop and has it ever lead to an audience member taking it too personally?
This silly misconception came about when I was caught searching the underwear of a young lad. I lost my car keys and thought the prankster had hidden them in his Garanamels. I did a quick check for 45 minutes and all of a sudden everyone' s in a huff..
9) If you weren't working as a comedian, what type of job, other than being a priest in the Boston Archdiocese, do you think you might have pusued?
Probably a veterinarian. I think its funny to knock an animal out with drugs then put your fingers in his hiney.
10) The name of your website, eatabullet.com, is sort of out there. Was JimNorton.com taken?
Jimnorton.com was taken and cuntlovingcuddlemonster.com was too long.
11) In the bio you provide on your website, you wrote "Judi Brown of the Aspen Comedy Festival said, "He's so brutally honest. He's very refreshing in a business where a lot of people are phony." That is probably the nicest compliment I have received as a performer."
What the meanest thing anyone has ever said about your career?
After show once a man told me I should take a long walk off a short pier. That kind of hurt. So I called him AIDSface and threw coffee on him.
12) In the past you've described yourself as both a "meaty-breasted little nothing" and "Jim Norton, shithead." What's your current pathetic self-image in 8 words or less?
Cuddly, sweet, warm, loveable, pleasant, smiling, nurturing and petunia-like.[Hey, that's more than 8 words.]
13) What's your favorite joke, I mean, other than your life?
Why was 6 scared? Because 7 8 9. LOLOLOLOL, that's a rib tickler.
Jim's CD and a full line of his merchandise is available for purchase over at "Wowfans," so rush right over and spend your hard earned dough helping this sick freak stay off the streets. Well, stay off the streets full time, anyway.
WASHINGTON (DPI) - Leaders of the NAACP expressed disappointment that President Bush won't address the group and give them the chance to roundly boo him off the stage. 'We offered Mr. Bush the unprecedented courtesy of not drowning out his speech by chanting his opponent's name,' explained the group's president Kweisi Mfume, 'agreeing only to heckle and boo him politely at the end. We've never done this for a Republican. Yet he is still afraid to face us.' Mfume dismisses claims that by appointing African-Americans to highest positions of his cabinet that Bush's actions speak louder than words. 'I have never met someone who is not Republican who has had a chance to examine Condi Rice or Colin Powell up close. We at the NAACP believe they are white actors in blackface, or perhaps CGI creations. If they choose, they can prove they are real to us by coming to get jeered.'
(Reported by Davejames)
Al-Jazeera had a prominent sign near the podium at the Democratic convention. Now it's gone, and the Arab news network is wondering why convention officials had it removed.I wonder if union labor was used to do the sign swap?
The Al-Jazeera sign, with its name and logo, would have been part of the network's backdrop during photo shots from its skybox across the FleetCenter.
Convention officials say they needed the space where the sign was hanging, above and to the right of the podium from a viewer's perspective. It was replaced with a 20-foot-long "JohnKerry .com" sign.
"We needed that spot for our production," said Peggy Wilhide, a convention spokeswoman.
"We're glad Al-Jazeera is here and that they have a skybox," Wilhide said. "But the bottom line is we're not here to advertise for the media, we're here to put on a convention." She said 40% of the 33 media groups with skyboxes have signs along the "ring" that circles the FleetCenter.
The $30,000 Al-Jazeera sign was removed last Monday or Tuesday.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Howdy,Well, Jim just got back from whoring in Rio, and he was kind enough to answer my questions. I'm formatting them now and I should be posting the interview on Monday or Tuesday.
I run a rather pathetic website that happens to be called "The Comedian."
For some unlikely reasons, my particularly un-funny website happens to be the second result on google for "Comedian," [Used to be, now I'm behind some goddamn freak musician wannabes. - TC] right after references to that movimentary you starred in with Seinfeld.
Anyway, I thought I might exploit my incredible luck in holding such an enviable (and valuable, I'm told) google result to flow some traffic to comedians that I enjoy.
I figured I could do this by interviewing some comedians, then posting the results on my pitiful website. Hence this poorly written missive.
Believe it or not you are the first comedian I chose to ask for an interview. Consider it an application of Stephen Colbert's "Interviews I could get" principle.
Anyway, here's some questions I propose. In the appropriate places of the question sections I will embed links to where I found the basis for the question, likely jumping your web traffic by at least .002%.
I'll even plug the merchandise you're whoring on your site.
Please let me know if you're interested.
I warn readers ahead of time that although I like Jim's comedy, it can be pretty shocking if taken too seriously, so don't bother reading that post when it comes around. I'm serious, to wit, here's how I plan on introducing the interview;
Some comedians are known as comedians' comedians, in the sense that other comedians really appreciate and enjoy their work. In those terms Jim Norton would be a scatophilic pedophile's comedian.So don't come whining to me if you get put off by his interview.
Friday, July 23, 2004
"What’s your names?" Kerrey demanded of the pair.I know the water in DC sucks, but what are they putting in it lately?
Taylor complied and shook the politician’s hand. But Deming refused, saying only that he was a citizen.
"So am I, asshole," Kerrey snapped, irked at the pair’s taunts and at their signs which said: "Democrats cannot be trusted with national security."
BTW, their protest signs are fantastic.
Update: I was inspired, so...
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Monday, July 19, 2004
The good news?
He might be on the hook for just over a million dollars in fines.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Seems like the FBI is preparing to defend against stone weapons.
[And I don't take it as a good sign that the FBI isn't set up to receive emails or faxes from people with information to contribute to the report. I wonder if they'll accept carrier pigeon?]
We are disturbed that John Kerry would try to scare veterans with his false accusations, and we are disappointed in his lack of support for today's troops.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
"I will be a president who talks with everyone those who agree with me and those who don't," Kerry says in remarks prepared for delivery Thursday in Philadelphia before the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.Bullshit.
Making such a statement in front of the "mouthpiece of the Democratic Party" is about as empty a gesture as could be made.
Senator Two Face, you wanna make a statement? Go make a speech to the John Birch Society, the NRA or Operation Rescue. Then maybe somebody, a small dumb child likely, but at least somebody, would believe you.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Friday, July 09, 2004
Demo accounts are scheduled to only last one month, but they actually let them survive a while longer, using the extra time to send email reminders that the account is going to expire, and to solicit paying users. I don't begrudge them this, but at the bottom of the latest email I noticed that Exposure Manager asked, "If you feel something is missing in ExposureManager, please take a moment to reply to this e-mail and let us know what that is."
Since I put some time into writing my reply, I thought it might be valuable to share my review of Exposure Manager with the world.
I do have some suggestions & thoughts after using your service for over a month now.UPDATE: I heard back from Iverdean/Exposuremanager a few days after I sent them this letter. They explained a set of fairly rare technical problems that cascaded into my order being lost in their system for a while. Apparently they not only lost the order, they lost the fact that they lost the order.
These disappearing images, combined with the lousy no-service I received on my one order, have pretty much made me lose faith in your company. I haven't bothered to upload any images in a while, and I'm not sure I ever will again.
- I never received an order that I placed back on June 3rd [order #--deleted--]. I sent several emails to the address that the orderconfirmation screen said to email if the order was not received in seven business days. I never received a reply to any of my complaints. After 20 business days had passed, I called my credit card company and had them cancel that charge. To this day I have not heard back from Iverdean regarding this order, the fact that it was never delivered, nor has it complained about me cancelling the credit card transaction.
- I have had two images "go missing" on my CTPhoto account. The thumbnails remain, but no matter what I did as far as regenerating the images the medium size image would appear only as the dreaded red x in a box. I wound up deleting two images that I liked very much having on the web.
I consider my $40 a sunk cost. When the year is up, I don't expect to renew my account.
To make up for it they sent my order to me at no cost. The images arrived on Friday and the output is beautiful. Rich, vibrant, accurate colors, detailed & on heavy, glossy paper. The packing material seems more than capable to get even large posters delivered in safe condition.
However, they screwed up the order. One of my images, the one I call Striking Clouds wasn't in the order, but instead I received a print of a photograph taken at what appears to be a fairly extended family reunion held by a bunch of people I don't know.
I'll update this post in a while to give the final conclusion to my adventurous order.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Well, this pretty much sums it up; Being chosen as Sen. John Kerry's running mate is the opposite of winning something worthwhile.
How do I know this?
Easy, because to become Kerry's running mate you have to leave Disney World.
According to several Democratic sources, Edwards interrupted his family vacation at Walt Disney World last Thursday to come to Washington for a private meeting with Kerry.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Friday, July 02, 2004
This is a bit old, but hasn't made it around many places. I actually saw it in an Australian paper article posted in a Canadian bike shop. The print article had the guys name and more details than the only on-line write up I have found so far, which is a few articles down on a CBS news summary page:
Bicycle Thief Dies, Leaves Over 1,000 Bikes
"Police said Friday the man, who was in his 60s and whose identity was not released, died last week while trying to steal a bike in the southern city of Melbourne. They did not elaborate on the cause of death."
(The print article said he fell off the bike he was stealing and hit his head.)
"Officers discovered the cache of about 1,000 bicycles when they went to inform the man's relatives in the nearby town of Geelong of his death."
"In every room including his bedroom, bathroom and kitchen there are bikes, bike helmets, parts, chains, seats and tires ... it's something else", said Senior Sergeant Adrian Benny. "There are also bikes down the side of the house and there are two sheds full."
The print article had a picture of a room piled with bikes, and also said that they had matched a bike stolen in 1990 with its owner, through a serial number that had been reported stolen.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
We will not be commenting or providing any information regarding the governor and first family's move or the timing of the move or confirming any of their locations as private citizens,' Rowland spokesman John Wiltse said.Could it be? Has the mysteriously disappearing Rowland hot tub finally surfaced?
The move was such a secret that, according to a source, the movers weren't told where they were going until their trucks were loaded.
But the secret was out Wednesday afternoon, when two Amodio Moving trucks, a state pickup truck and a black Crown Victoria parked along the street in front of the Mountain Farms Road house; a third truck sat in the driveway as a few men unloaded furniture and other items from it. A hot tub sat on the lawn to one side; bicycles were propped up against the side of the garage and a couch was overturned on the lawn. The front of a Suzuki motorcycle poked out of the front of the garage.
I originally wrote this as a comment over at The Spoons Experience, but I think it deserves a post of it's own. It was in response to an article about how two idiots on the House Armed Services Committee want to make sure that "by no means, under any circumstances should a round (from Israel) be utilized," to shoot evildoers in Iraq or Afghanistan. And, I supposed, Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and any other hell hole into which we dive seeking out terrorists.
I'm pretty sure that if a private company made a request like Representatives Abercrombie & Weldon's request, it would be violating at least one of the various anti-Israeli boycott statutes.Remember the Congressional slogan, "Laws for thee, none for me."
In fact, it might even be fun to file a Boycott Request Reporting Forms against each of these fine public servants.