Not Satire

Bloomberg Offering Discounts to Anti-Bush Protesters

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is offering an array of perks, discounts and other enticements to hundreds of thousands of anti-Bush protesters in a bid to stave off riots when the GOP convention begins in Manhattan in 12 days.

If they accept the terms of Bloomberg's offer, demonstrators must promise to obey city laws and regulations and pick up a powder-blue button that labels them "Peaceful Political Activists." Bloomberg's rewards program for well-behaved convention disrupters includes, according to Newsday, "a unique package" of discounts on hotels, restaurants, plays — even cut-rate entry to the Museum of Sex - and is open to anarchists as well.

Satire

Not a bad concept, but it could use a bit more to make it effective.

1) Add a stick to go with the discounts carrot: Enhanced criminal penalties & sentencing guidelines for protestors who sign up but still break the law.

2) Since a button is too easily removable, the discounts will only be offered to protestors who willingly accept a light blue "Peaceful Protestor" face tattoo.

3) To track the success of Mayor Bloomberg's plan, a small "Peaceful Protestor" registration number will be tattooed on each participants forearm.